Tuesday, April 26, 2005
As i face the confinement of moi pale white walls of my office, i take comfort that I can finally end this agony on the 14th of May. And I can FINALLY go out with moi best-friend-ever, best-friend-till-now, brides'-maid-to-be MARY ANN KLYNE. geez.. she's one friend who u can just be crazy and to do stupid things with. Since i'm so absolutely bored with work, i decided to check out other ppl's blog and was so happy to see MA's Sparssybaba!!! haha.. in case you dont know wad it is, its a little soft toy lamb which we think look sparstic, so yeah.. you got it. She bought one for me from New Zealand too and i gotta wash it twice when it became The Black Sheep.
Ok, aside from the now mundune boring routine details of my life which inevitably arises from you-know-what. I'm sure glad that it will end on the 14th May. Although its soo irritating that I still have to work on the 14th!! Its a SAT for goodness' sake! It the kind of feeling you get when u've planned your great big outdoor garden wedding, with specific tulips and roses, red carpet along the alsie as well as the sweet pink and white balloons of which one contain your ring -only to rain cats and dogs in a raging storm just when you want to mouth "I do". Nowhere is this sensation greater than taking away my saturday away from QJ..!! Especially so when I wont be able to see him the previous saturday cos he's in that disguesting field camp having mandatory undisturbed mub bath! Away from civilisation and with no means of even connecting with it. Making my confinment even more ordeal..
miss HIM....
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Loves...
sauage lips for sale?
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Loves...
smiley
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Loves...
me and him
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me and botak ju!
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Loves...
Monday, April 25, 2005
I've not been updating this regularly- oh well, i NEVER do..
In a way, the last entry very much expresses how i feel now still.. the dread and dismay, the dark gloom that befalls on me each sunday night..
O how the Sun rises only on the weekends?
And with how sad steps it climbst down the skies?
As the deep darkness desends upon my world
with creatures of the night creeping
in dreams which yet unfold into a
world of pure emptiness- how it
leaves you cold! How it rips your soul!
Stars, Moon, Sun, Rain walk in my fashion.
Today's another boring day at work. Dont take me wrong- I love my collegues, (just a little distaste for the Chao-England Opeh) and i really appreaciate Jac (moi immediate superior) for making so many compromises for me- leave and all, putting me in marketing, the MOST interesting job any EOA like me can have; a job which enables me space for creatativity, desgining stuff and having flexible working hours- working morning shifts so that i can have the evening free. Even working with the radio on (yes, its a luxuary here) But oh moi i'm one not to be contained- it seems that i was given ALOT of freedom (relatively to other EOAs) but i have more to achieve, more to do to fulfill my soul, and i need MORE space than what i've been given. Am i asking too much? No? Fully understanding that i cant expect so much in the workforce, but hey- I can always earn the money in a Proper job in time to come, but I'm only 19 once. And there's so much implicit cost which outweighs the total gain that i just could not bear to sacrifice. No matter how attractive earning is to me- it doesnt beat spending quarlity time with my love ones or rather, with myself.
Am I living an Irony? Yes by all good things, I absolutely am! How i work in an industry which i myself had detest- an industry whose policy is to rob all children of their childhood, to steal their youth (like what they are almost doing to me) and crush their creativity! How I suffer in silence for my hypocrisy! Could I endure another 1 month? All I've been doing is to complain! I have been stung by my conscience to be responisble- at least finish the job till the end of May.
And i pray that i will feel better after writing this entry in the very comfort of my office.Where no cameras can zoom in to see what i wrote (not as if i care if they do).
As i wait in agony for any accepted admission to either Mass Com or Arts- the former proves much harder than the latter, esp after my screwed-up MCQ test and essay of which exposes my ignorance to who the PM of Thailand is and Where our PM's wife works in, not to mention my very brief conversation with the Prof during the interview where i failed to show my self- I am pounded by the gloom of which the sun refuses to rise- it does sometimes, but barely when you can see the light, it goes back down again.. I get so worried about Quanju, esp when he's sick and still have to command his platoon. I wish i can enjoy my whole holiday doing what I've mentioned in moi last entry..(yes, its kinda long to be repeated again) As much as i know its his responsiblity to serve the counrty- but argh! Isnt he doing enough already?? All those National Team training...and wad about me? I am to serve Singapore by producing enough kids to stop the Grey-by boom! And I'll need him! Even if its to be done only 7 years later.
I wish i can take up some courses instead of been confined to this cubicle. OKOK, i guess i've written enough to vent some of my fustrations.. I wish i could just stay at home and learn all the pieces that QJ taught me instead of.. argh! you-know-what. damn.. Eunice! Stop it!
I miss moi darling Yang Quanju... *sob*
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Loves...
Friday, April 08, 2005
Today is the day i somehow dread yet yearn.. Such a dreadful yearning comes only due to the fact that it is the very day moi cOconUt Tree is sent to Tekong Resort and Spa. I'm glad he's finally getting some mandatory holiday which i cant wait for him to start and end. Yet it is also for the very simple reason that i dread it -He loves vacations, but not one without me..
Thus while he gets his complusory mud bath and green-and-black facial, under a cheerful sun, on the warm fine sand beside the great blue sea; I slogged under the terribly torturous tution center customer service cubicle where I get spit, stares, piecing eyes and verbal diarrhea - and i still have to smile at them sweetly while standing still to encourage the above. Its is no better than saying "Hey! I love that spit! Go on! Do it again!" with a big bright sunny smile.
Anyway..
I miss moi coConUt TreE.. As I travel home from work today- it occurs to me how much i miss feeling my hand in his and swinging our arms as we walk back to my house.
I miss his jokes and his singing and miss him saying "Hey! Wanna buy somthing anot?" each time we pass by 7-11 - sometimes I'd say yes and we'd buy $5 worth of things just to get the free magnet.. He'll always look out for my favorite meji ice-cream while i try to stop him from consuming too much junk food..
I miss swimming with him and counting to 20 before i compete w him to that there's compeition.
I miss playing the wave pool with him and always pretending we're snorkling or just mere stationary at the "strategic" spot to let the waves crash into us.
I miss playing basketball with him - I NEVER feel discouraged when playing w him. He never looks down on me despite the wide difference bet our standards..
I miss him playing the piano for me and teaching me new pieces and repeating the notes again and again cos i wasnt paying attention.
I miss his strict yet gentle words when i always feel like giving up after a little setback..
I miss gg to the gym with him and trying to do wad he does even if unsuccessfully- he will then adjust to something more realistic for me.. I miss eating with him and dumping my left-overs for him to finish..
I miss picking all the delicious parts of his dish while i kept mine to myself- only to save it for him later..
I miss him trying to pretend he doesn like to eat someting we both really like just so that i can have it.
I miss trying to jump on him to make him piggy-back me..he usually carry me anyway..
I miss not carrying my stuff cos he does it for me all the time.. I miss eating peeled prawns by him..
i miss walking Pache with him and competing to see who can kick Pache's toy into the 'goal' bet two trees below his blk.
I miss watching shows with him and commenting to him all that happened..
i miss 'bitching' about all the horrible things that happen in one day with him.. (as I listen to Micheal Buble's latest CD now), I miss the time we went to Malacca where i bought this CD and played it in the car and when we ate the famous Chicken Rice Balls and Tau huay and 'pick pick' at night...where we watched Star Wars halfway till we're too sleepy.
I miss watching South Park with him- it wont be the same w/o him... not even half as funny...
i miss all the lunches he cooked and delivered to me in his bicycle everyday i slog in that disgusting cubicle..
i miss trying to ride his bicycle with him with a near-deflated tire.
i miss riding the bikes with him and feeling the wind against our faces..screaming while going down hill- embarassassing him when motorists turn to look..
i miss trying to fish for a tiny tampan in 5 hours with him at the jetty -and getting sunburn while doin so..or trying to fish for intelligent prawns the size of a palm at Farmart or crabs using leftover baits..
i miss experimenting dishes with him.
I miss trying to sew moi favorite sheepo for me despite his guys' bulky more-clumsy fingers.
I miss his "yes! i got one! its huge- you better squeeze it out before it turns into a pigment" and went ahead to squeeze my blackhead for me..
i miss singing to him..
i miss my coConUt Tree
I miss him...
*sob*
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Loves...
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